Responding to criticism
When we say, I welcome feedback, what we probably mean is I welcome feedback that is positive, or nice, or that I agree with. Because being told we missed the mark can feel incredibly defeating.
I developed a thick skin in my desk job as a residential designer. I'd spend days creating space plans effectively utilizing every square inch of a home, and be told to start over, or the buyer had changed their minds.
Once I learned how to process the anger & frustration and move past it…I became better at what I did. I learned how to anticipate obstacles, read between the lines, and not allow criticism to feel like such a gut punch.
But BEFORE I was good at this, though, I was very very bad at it.
I was so mad. So defensive & frustrated. I couldn't stop blaming everyone else long enough to self-reflect. I also felt like giving up, because I'm super susceptible to self-doubt.
This is the harsh reality of being a people pleaser and placing so much of our self-worth in what we give to others. AND ALSO allowing the others to dictate if we've given enough & how valuable it is.
You have every right to feel angry, hurt, and incompetent when you receive criticism. And yet, at some point you'll have to pull yourself out of the downward spiral & deal with it. You'll need to give a professional response that is sincere and remind yourself this is an opportunity for growth.
👉So how do we respond to negative feedback?
Repeat their opinion + offer a solution + execute solution
everything else is just fluff that satisfies our egos
Maybe the best way to demonstrate how this can look is to give you a real life example. This popped up in my inbox a couple months ago.
I purchased {an online} course. I waited a week to email you due to my disappointment in it and wanting to not have a knee-jerk reaction. So many rave reviews are online for you on the FB massage pages so I was comfortable in taking the course without asking online if people who had taken it felt it was worthwhile.
That course was such basic elementary math that I was taken back. Those simple math numbers I had done before graduating from massage school last June. The description didn't sound that elementary. I thought there was something meatier to be gained from someone who had experience. I feel that I vastly overpaid for the course. Perhaps it was designed for someone under 21 who has never paid a bill, or had a job, and went into massage school straight out of high school?
Every penny is valuable to me as local, state, and federal governments take 37 cents of every dollar I earn in massage anyway. Of course, I'd never post anything negative online about you or the course, but I did want to say that perhaps a better course description would be beneficial.
Before we get to my response, I need you to know that I read this email like 25 times and each time I was more offended. Picking apart every word. Over-analyzing. Over-thinking. I'm not immune to having my feelings hurt.
It took me about 5-6 hours to calm down & begin to self-reflect enough to see that they were right. Now, them being right is not always the case. So, it's important to give yourself time to find clarity.
I appreciate the feedback and even more so the patience to avoid a knee jerk reaction.
You are absolutely correct, that micro course was written for new graduates who are just beginning. It was one of the first courses I put out there over a year ago, and you caught me in the middle of re-evaluating those initial courses. I realized they no longer reflect the course creator I've become over the last year and aren't targeted to my ideal "student".
My two most popular courses: Raising your Rates and Navigating a No Show are much more aligned with the content & course creation I am currently doing. They are in depth with lots of guidance, and appropriate for both new and veteran therapists.
Thank you for re-affirming that I need to prioritize editing the older courses. I've added a new description to clearly state it is a beginner course for new therapists until I'm able to sit down and devote more time to it. And I have also refunded your $30, it is only fair since you received no value from the course. Teachable said the transaction processes immediately but might take a few days to show up in your account. If you don't see it in a week, please let me know.
I'd love to have another chance to live up to the rave reviews you've heard. If you are on Instagram, I offer a lot of valuable posts and stories on that platform. And I also send out monthly newsletters. If you feel like checking either or both of those out here are the links. {Instagram} {Newsletter}
Again, thank you for this feedback and opportunity to make it right.